Cultural Differences .... A reality

My comeback post..... Every day in the shower for the past so many years , I promised myself that 'today' is the day that I would start writing again. And 'that' day never came. Until now..... I am a little rusty. I do not know whether anyone would read this. But I am happy that I am writing. Nay!! I am over the moon, the stars, and the entire galaxy!!!

Every day at 9pm there is a tussle in my house. Between Chhota Bheem and Matt, George and Gary. I am a huge fan of the Masterchef series. I never enter the kitchen to cook, but neither do I miss any episode of the cookery show. I watch the US and Australian series one after the other and the difference is so so so stark!!! But, as my mom says, always start with the positive and the good things, so let me start with that!

Outwardly, Australian culture and American culture appear quite similar. Both are predominantly of Caucasian/Anglo-Saxon ancestry and share English heritage and language. They are relatively young cultures that grew through liberal immigration policies during their early political formation, and follow well known and understood legal traditions and governance systems.

Both Australia and the United States were conceived as British colonies; the United States for its economic/trade value and Australia as a prison colony. Settlers of the two nations eventually conquered rough and unfriendly terrain by overpowering the indigenous and working the land for mining and farming.

That is history for you. Let me give you some more tidbits. Both the countries are potpourri of different cultures and ethnicity. People from around the world throng to these two countries to earn a livelihood and a better life. 

Despite having such a strong historical similarity, the cultures and behavioral pattern are totally different. Watch their Masterchef series and you would know.

In Masterchef Australia, all the contestants are a big happy family. They never bad mouth each other. Never try to put anyone down. What the heck! They go all the way to actively motivate their competition. There is lots of hugging, pet names, emotions.....love and affection just overflows. The judges are Oh! So Sweet!!!! They encourage immensely. There is just plain bonhomie all around. Just like Death by Chocolate.

Cut to Masterchef America ..... @#@#@#@# !!!! @#@$@#@$$!!!!! .....Yo baby! You get the drift. Cuss words are like Please and Thank You. If you don't hate your competition, you are not worthy to be in the series. More than the food, it’s the mouth that does the talking. Everyone is so outwardly aggressive. Or Quirky. Or Kinky. Or simple plain Crazy. The judges steal the thunder by being masters of the Cuss word dictionary. Ahaaaa ..... This series is like a chataakedar bhelpuri!

And I wonder! In both the series, you have the local white /black population. Add on representatives from all the immigrant population ..... Asian, Indian, Italian, Arabic, Mexican ...... yet their behavior in both are like chalk and cheese. So, let us not yet pooh pooh the importance of Culture in our behavior. We may be able to instantly connect with others on this planet, but mind you, our behavior is so much governed by the culture we are brought up in. And there is nothing wrong in maintaining homogeneity in that. Mixing chocolate with bhelpuri can be disastrous. Not just in terms of taste, but for the tummy as well.

And before I forget, Aussies drive on the different side of the road than Americans. ...... Now you know :)

Proud of my roots

Past few days, an article written by someone close to me has been looming in front of my inner eye. This article was aimed at how the writer had an aversion towards her very own culture and roots. This raced my processor to understand why the new generation is so cocooned in its own theory of self importance and how the need of rebellion and resistance is volcanised in form of an outburst towards their heritage. This also led me to a path of discovery towards my lineage, my history. Born a Nair, I was never aware of what all it entailed. I present my research to you, not to burst anybody's bubble, but, just so, it is an interesting read.


Nairs (sometimes spelled Nayar) are a Hindu upper caste belonging to Nagavanshi Kshatriya division of the Hindu caste system. The Nairs were a martial nobility and figure prominently in the history of Kerala. The Nairs form the second largest Hindu community in Kerala.

The Nagavanshi dynasty is one of the ancient Kshatriya dynasties of India. According to ancient Indian literature, Nagavansh is a sub-clan of Suryavansha. It includes a number of kshatriya clans, and is dominant in central India and Kerala. The group of people developed their Vansha according to their system of worship.

The word Nair is derived from the Sanskrit word Nayaka meaning leader. The Sanskrit word Nayaka appears in various forms in southern India (Nayakan/Naicker in Tamil Nadu, Nayak in Karnataka and Maharashtra, and Nayudu in Andhra Pradesh) and the word Nair has been suggested to be the corruption of Nayak in Malayalam.

The earliest known description about Nairs state that Nairs (Nagars) are the descendants of serpent soldiers sent by the Nāga Kingdom for taking part in the battle at Kurukshetra during Mahabharatha. After the war, they encountered Parasurama who vowed to exterminate the Nāgas, since they were Kshatriya. The Nāgas transformed themselves to humans, ripped off their sacred chords, and fled the battlefield.

After the Saka or Indo-Scythian people invaded India in the second century BC, some Nagas mixed with the Scythians in North India. They adopted the Matriarchy, Polyandry and other Scythian customs. They migrated southwards and reached Malabar, where they fought with the Villavars and defeated them. Later they established their own kingdoms in Malabar and Tulu Nadu. The Nāgas finally reached Travancore, the Southern most part of India. There is still a sacred sarpakaavu (serpent grove) in Mannarsala (Travancore), which is owned by a Nayar family whose ancestors are said to be Nāga serpents spared when the Khandava Forest (in present day Punjab) was burnt down by Lord Krishna and Lord Arjuna.

A number of sociologists are of the view that the Nairs are not indigenous to Kerala, as many customs and traditions distinguish them from other Keralites. There is a hypothesis on the basis of mythology that the Nairs are Nagas, who were Kshatriyas belonging to the Serpent dynasty (Nagavansham) who removed their sacred thread and migrated south to escape the wrath of a vengeful Parashurama. The affinity of the Nair community towards serpent worship, their martial past, and the absence of the sacred thread lends support to this theory. In addition, the Travancore State Manual states that there were indeed serpent-worshiping Nagas in Kerala who fought with the Namboothiris till they reached a consensus. The Nairs have also been classified as of Indo-Scythian (Saka) origin as well as being linked to the Nagas.

The Appearance of the well nourished Nair is perhaps among the finest in all India...the men and women among the Nairs are models of neatness and simplicity particularly in their dress, food and living. The men keep a small tuft of hair hanging in front, tied into a knot which is thrown behind or on the side, quite similar to the Tamil Brahmins while women have long black hair growing luxuriantly which they keep neat and orderly by constant bathing, rubbing of oil and use of comb. They tie it in a large bun suspended on the left side or in front. This is a very pretty observance and one that is worth imitation in other civilised countries

Nairs followed the Marumakkathayam (Matrilineal) system of inheritance and lived in units called Tharavadus (matrilineal joint-family). The tharavadu referred to relations of property (mudal sambandham) shared by a group tracing descent from a common ancestress. The outer boundary of tharavadus seems to have been defined by relations of pollution (pula sambandham), whereby a wider matrilineal kin group was knit by symbolic ties. Prominently, this involved sharing birth and death pollution and a memory of common descent. However, there are indications that, when expediency demanded, it was possible to break off even these pollution ties. For instance, in the case of a numerically large tharavadu, comprising a considerable section of the population of territory, death and birth pollution spelt a great inconvenience. In such cases, it could be decided to terminate pollution ties, even while the related groups continued to share a cremation ground.

Architecturally wealthy tharavadus encompassed a Naalukettu or Ettukettu, a Kulam (fresh-water pond) and a Sarpa Kavu (a sacred grove with trees and thick foliage for worship of the Nagathaan (Serpents) while in the case of some exceptionally wealthy families a private temple as well. The water body served the purpose of ritual baths, followed by Tantric worship in the Sarpakavu, phased out into rituals and ceremonies that repeated in cycles of days, months, and years often accompanied by feasts that witnessed a grand assembly of kin.

…. I am beginning to be aware of the rich history of my clan. The new generation needs to be educated on how we should pride ourselves in what we are rather than aping and yearning for something else, just in the name of “sounding different”

Vehla Time

It's been a while since I got down to writing something. Have been so busy with son-shine that all my fans out there must be missing me mad. Well, to oblige all of you, I am back! Now, what do I write about? Should it be something funny, or serious? Some anecdote or maybe a work of fiction?

What about my "Digos"???? Well maybe its my greying hair that has made me mature enough so that I don't pull anymore "Digos" or the sheer fact that Hub-e refuses to take me out to his office parties. That reminds me, we did go out for a weekend visit with Hub-e and his office team. But on the very strict condition that I aint allowed to open my mouth except for eating. Can't even share with you how restrained I was. Every time I saw someone, my tongue started rolling, my palms got sweaty and my head spinned like crazy, but believe me, my lips were sealed. All signs of ageing! 

Joined back office a couple of months back. Hmmmm ..... feeling so out of place! No one to shower my maternal instincts on. And it doesnt help being the youngest in the department. You are pampered crazy. So much so, I sometimes forget that I am a mother now.

I know I know, those of you who had the patience to reach upto this para are wondering whats happened to this woman! Where are the jokes? Where is the humour? But guys, "itna haq to banta hai"! I have entertained you well enough with my posts. Now you have to bear with my ranting also. And all of you who say that you like this post of mine, there is a secret gift coming your way very soon. My idea of rewarding my loyal fans. And those of you who write nice comments for me, hmmmmmmm , free electricity for a year (*courtesy NTPC*)

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

The Latest "Digo"

On Popular Demand! (It seems the "Digos" that I pull are a huge favorite with my fans ... he he he)

Disclaimer :  Have taken permission from the person affected and have been granted the same by her. A largehearted lady, very beautiful and talented. She is perfection personified. (All this so that she won't sue me). Also, I have been given the permission to add mirch masala and spice it up. 

I am very close to my in-laws. And not just Achhan Amma, but all uncles, aunties, cousins, nieces, nephews... everybody. My dearest sis-in-law, DM (M for Menon), works for an English News Channel. Anyways, I am not going to tell you the name of the channel. By the way, did you know that Times Now was the No.1 Channel in some Fuber ratings.(he he he) Also, I really enjoy it when Arnab Goswami of Times Now grills politicians. He has so much passion. (No lawsuits please)

Okay! Coming back to the story. DM couldn't come to Delhi to meet her dear nephew because she was busy with her work in that "unnamed" English News Channel. She is a great reporter and the Mumbai Bureau head. Her boss, AG (I won't even give you a hint of who AG is!), was not giving her any leaves to meet the new born. 

Yours truly really wanted to meet DM. I asked her the reason and the naughty she told me that AG is loading her with too much work. (I know AG wouldn't be doing anything like this). This infuriated me. I called her up and asked for AG's contact. DM thought I am a harmless insect and won't do anything crazy and with complete trust in that, she gave me AG's phone number. The conversation goes like this.

AG: Hello!

Me: Hello!

AG: Hello!

Me: Hello!

AG: Hello!

Me: How many more Hellos??? Am I speaking with AG of the "unnamed" News Channel.

AG: Yessssssss ......... this is AG. Are you Renuka Choudhary?

Me: No No ....... I am the "aam junta" of this country and have some questions for you.

AG: Oh! Do you wish to feature in our Question Hour or wish to be the Citizen Journalist???

Me: Oh dear Lord, No! I just wanted to know when DM gets to go on leave?

AG (fumbles for words): DM does a great job and I am very proud of her, as a reporter, bureau chief and senior desk person.

Me: That's nice to know. But when does she get her leaves?

AG: See, I already told you. She is a valuable asset and I am not going to fire her.

Me: Fire her????? OMIGOSH! your channel is the best in the country and I love the way you speak and not let others speak. Also love the way you ask questions without waiting for an answer. Please do not fire DM.

AG: Hmmmm ...................

Me: Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!......................

There is a network problem and the connection gets lost!

DM has been circulating her resume for sometime now. AG has changed his number. And Hub-e isn't talking to me these days.

Moral of the story: Don't pull a "Digo" with bosses.

(Waiting to get Shantanu Narayan's number. he he he)

How could I?

This is going to be one of the shortest posts I have ever written. Yesterday Mom was telling me how I was as a kid and I realised, I had pulled a Digo even when I was in class III.  My parents were very insistent that I should learn malayalam and be aware of Kerala culture. Hence, I was sent to Kerala School. 

When I was in III standard, my Malayalam teacher, for no apparent reason, one day, asked me, "Molude Acchanum Ammayum evideya joli cheyunnathu?". (Where do your Achhan Amma work?)

I replied, "Enikkum Achhanum Ammayum illya" (I do not have Achhan Amma)

My poor teacher. She was overcome with sympathy, love, pity and everything bundled together. She had moist eyes and hugged me tight. She gave me a very sweet kiss on my cheek. I do not know what happened to me then. I also started crying. Seeing this, she got all the more emotional. She took me in her lap, hugged me, kissed me and took out a candy from her Big purse. 

I was really happy about the bonanza and looked at my classmates, who were evidently getting jealous about the partial treatment being given to me by one of the most feared teachers. When I stopped crying, she innoccently asked me, "Molu aarude koodeya taamasikkunathu?" (Who do you stay with then?")

I replied, "Mummy and Papa"!!!!!!

... I am sure you guys donot wanna know what happened next nor am I going to tell you. Some things are best left untold!

PS: In malayalam, Amma means mother and Achhan means father.

Pulling a "Digo"

Met Hub-e's colleague and wife at Great India Place last weekend. Their question bowled me clean. "Why don't you ever come to any office parties???" And I asked myself, Why? Why doesn't Hub-e take me along to any of the parties lately? Well, not coz I aint pretty, Mind It!!! I am a very beautiful woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he he he ..... But coz he is scared that I will pull a "Digo" if I go. For those of you who donot understand this word, let me tell you that this is a very important part of our vocabulary. So, how do I manage to pull a "Digo"?

Incident 1 : Hub-e's manager in MS was a great guy from IIT named Digambarnath and in our conversations at home, Hub-e would address him as "Digo" only. So, we met at a wedding party and poor Digo......

Me: Hi Digo!!! How are you?

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm ....Ffffffine

Hub-e and others : Ummmmmmm ........ (with eyes wide open)

Me: So, Digo, hows your wife? You didnt bring her along?

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm .... She has gone to our home town

Hub-e and others : Ummmmmmm ........ (with eyes wide open)

Me: Digo,do you like biriyani??? 

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm ....Yes

Hub-e and others : Ummmmmmm ........ (with eyes wide open)

Me: So, Digo, what do you think is the reason for MS stocks going down???

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm .... Iiiiiii don't know for sure......... ummmmmmmmmmmm

Hub-e and others slowly moved away.

Within seconds, Digo also moved away! 

Moral of the story: Nobody in his entire life had ever called Digambarnath as "Digo". And nobody ever did, after me, not even Hub-e in our daily conversations. Hub-e had to change his job. (Though not for this reason, what the heck!!! Fiction is better than truth)

Incident 2: We have a very cute looking Pug in our apartments, named "Tipu". He is not such a great friend of Spock yet, his owner and Hub-e are very pally pally. Again, what to do with my Hub-e. He insists on giving second names to all the people he meets. Hence, the owner's name became Hyder Ali in our daily conversation. And poor me, got so used to his second name, that I forgot his real one. (see, again, it isn't my fault, hub-e is responsible for it)

Mrs. Owner: Hi! How are you? How is Spock?

Me: Hi. Am doing great. Spock is fine too! Where is Tipu?

Mrs. Owner: Oh he is at home with my daughter.

Me: Okay. So, Hyder Ali hasn't come home yet?

Mrs. Owner (eyes looking like laddoos) : I beg your pardon?

Me: I meant, hasn't Hyder come back from office?

(Hub-e gives me a hard kick on my ankle and Mrs. Owner looks at him with bewildered eyes, silently questioning whether I have lost it coz of my pregnancy)

Hub-e: Hey, nice meeting you! Have to rush back home. Urgent meeting. B'bye

Me still havent figured it out ......... but eventually I did. Hence, I again pulled a "Digo".

There are so many more of such instances but I guess the writing space isn't enough. 

For the next party, he has agreed to take me along, only if I promise that I wouldn't pull a Digo! Well, can't promise anything ........

(Disclaimer: All events, names and characters mentioned above are true to my knowledge and bear resemblance to people who are still living and after my blood.)

(Another Disclaimer (on gun's point) : Hub-e doesnt have the habit of giving "second" names to people. It is just his creative juices flowing and his good sense of humour. And we all are stupids!)

Parents...

This post was long due. But before I proceed, wish to share with you that we have been blessed with a Cute Son-shine and we havent named him Meghnaad. Hub-e hasnt forgiven me still but I am sure that Agneya will make him understand.

There comes a time when your life takes a complete circle. Today, when I have become a parent myself, I can truly appreciate mine. Honestly, being an only kid, my parents indulged me alot and I am not talking about money or material pleasures only.I dont remember even once when I had to enter the kitchen or buy groceries from outside or do any kind of household work. In fact, even today, when my parents visit us, my dad makes it a point to iron my clothes and mom won't let me enter the kitchen. 

My parents were born and brought up in Kerala, in middle class families, having 5 to 6 siblings each. Money wasn't easy and neither were the facilities. They had to slog through, taking care of their younger siblings, doing household chores, taking tuition classes and so on. In fact, my mother tells me that she started doing household work when she was the age of 7 and till now, she hasnt had any rest. 

To earn a livelihood and to support their families, both of them left their birthland and came to Delhi in search of more opportunities. And once they stabilised, they brought their other siblings along, for a better life for everyone. Theirs was an arranged match and they started their life together in 1979.

Starting from a very modest one room flat, where-in they had to share the toilet/ bathroom and where their siblings also stayed with them, one after the other, today, I am truly proud of what they have achieved. They have their own house in a reasonably good locality in Delhi and have all the facilities that money can buy. 

But more importantly, they have raised me to be a very responsible individual. I have seen how they have struggled to satisfy my demands and wishes. How every year, they would celebrate my birthday with great gusto and leave no stone unturned, even if it meant not taking the bus/auto and walking instead. How they wanted to get promoted in office so that they could get more salary and with that buy better things for me. I am proud of them for doing their post graduation in their late 40's and achieving good results.

My mom still tells me how they couldnt manage to have a second child, since they wanted me to get the best. There are so many instances of their selflessness and going through rough weather so that I could always have a cosy umbrella on my head. When I look back, I have no regrets in life and I had the happiest childhood, with my 2 friends, who also happen to be my parents.

Today, when I see Dad running around to get things working for my new family and Mom doing office work as well as keeping awake the entire night with my son, I realise one thing, they are never going to stop being parents. They would always go out of their way for me and my dear ones. There is no retirement from this job of theirs.

I only wish I am half as good as them. And I know it in my heart, that I am always gonna be the Second Best in parenting.

Love You Mom and Dad!!!